~s-A-n-r-i-O~

You're Still the One

2009-04-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

What's wrong about today? I felt very awkward today. I just woke up early to find myself in a coma. I did not pay attention to the time, I was awake in an hour but still I'm not in the mood to start the day. It feels tired to see myself walking around and got nothing to do. ..then suddenly i snap back to reality and hey! tomorrow is April 15 and that's the day you've committed to have a demo on STI ..and so? I turned on the pc and start doing my thing.

..BUT BUT BUT..hey..I did not notice that April 14 comes before April 15 and yes! It's the 14th of the month of April. And then? So what? ...

...I met a heartache.THANK YOU :)

It hurts to see that he's no longer the one I've been loving for so long. Did I? Am I really in this feeling of hurt? Am I? Maybe it's not yet over for me but for him, we're totally over. Much longer than what I've been expecting for to overcome circumstances like this.

"You're still the one and I'll be your fore 'coz together will be one, one for each other "

....but now I'll still be the fore but you're not the one and we'll no longer be the one for each other ...

I'm still stuck here with the ghost of what we used to be
I'm only left with used-to-be's and once upon a song
I'm still here where you left me lying
I'm still the one who cares but no longer the one to love you even more

I MUST STOP THIS MESS.

Damn, I Still Feel the Same..

2009-04-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it still matters to me but I do feel a lot more like excitement when my YM prompts that I have a new comment from him in my FS account. At first I sad, like duh? I'm busy doing my demo..but then here I go again doing this weirdo stuff and like whoa ... I am now replying to his comments .. and he's doing it vice versa ...

My FS account and he's looks like a chat area Box.. We teased each other like no one sees us. Damn great but I know it's not this heavy. The feeling isn't yet gone but it's not that much to fight for. I guess :S

Every little thing of him will be kept but it's over..totally over... He asked for my phone number and I'm now in cloud nine :) Sorry, but it felt that way. It's a bit confusing that my heart beats faster than usual, Oh yeahh ...ka egat nako..

I just wanna stay in this moment for a while, it feels good but I'm totally hands off.

Making Up My Mind; It's better off this way..

2009-04-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

I just got to the final plan that I'm going to Cebu, and YES! it's a very BIG YES!! I think it would be better for me to be away from GenSan after grad. I am so happy that my parents agreed to it the second time around. To Rai, I felt very sorry about the disappointment I've caused her, but I guess I just made it set back again. The plans we've made will surely come into action! Oh YES! It excites me more everyday but still I'm gonna try applying here in GenSan. I love it here but I wanna grow, to be more mature as what I suppose to be. I know God will guide me and that I will be responsible for myself. I told aldwin once..

"puslan man diba?" >>This idea made me accomplish this task to brought out to my parents about my plan. I hope I will deserve this escape of my life. I must grow out for I know I have so many responsibilities to accomplish. My family isn't that good to look at but these trials made me strong. It's where I get my strength to move on and be strong for them. I will right back what is wrong but if not, I will try to minimize the friction right now. Just give me some time to prove it and I will really do it. I will be strong especially for my Mom and my Bro; they're the only treasure that I got that I must defend in all trials. I will be their shield and to my Dad; my biological Dad, I just hope it's not yet too late for you to see that I am worth more than your money. My Papang Bel who's been supportive to me and gave me love as a father; I hope someday you'll see me paint the colors that I really want to do. I will make you be proud of me. I promise that to myself. Hope all of you will be at my back everytime I need a face that tells me "Kaya nimo na Rang! Ikaw pa.." .

Is it OVER?

2009-04-09T05:46:00.000-07:00

And it's such a miracle that you and me
are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool ...

moonmagesho: magma din
moonmagesho: sa msu ako
Rang2: uhm? MABUTI ...
Rang2: gagaling ka sa SKUL namin heheh
moonmagesho: hehe
moonmagesho: pano gani ako magenrol dun>
moonmagesho: san ka?
moonmagesho: ung mga letter ?
Rang2: punta ka sa MSU hi skul. try mo Inquire dun..dun kasi ang graduate skul ehh
Rang2: san ako? -- sa bhay namin sa lagao
moonmagesho: aw
Rang2: mag enrol ka na agad pla?
moonmagesho: sana
Rang2: awts..go...start ka na inquire ehh..habang summer pa...samok nman gud na pag me klase na..
moonmagesho: aw
moonmagesho: ok
Rang2: sure
moonmagesho: xenxa
moonmagesho: mejo daming ginagawa
Rang2: aw..okie lang oi..gowahead
moonmagesho: yung mga letter ba
Rang2: uhm? imo na to
moonmagesho: ayaw mo na nun?
Rang2: dili bitaw..itago sa..
moonmagesho: aw
moonmagesho: bka lumipat ako
Rang2: kay habang wala ko dre sa blay..murag mas safe xa dnha sa imo..dra lang sa..dili man kaha nimo sunugon?
moonmagesho: pag nakabili
moonmagesho: pero matagal pa
moonmagesho: paro
moonmagesho: maginventory kasi ako
moonmagesho: dili man pud
Rang2: sa unsa sad?
moonmagesho: grbe
Rang2: inventory?
moonmagesho: haha
moonmagesho: sa mga gamit nako
Rang2: char..salmat sa inventory jud imong term ha? makakurat man sad ka
Rang2: aw..bitaw..itago lng sa
Rang2: bka sa 2nd balik ko nlng sa Gensan kunin if settled nako sa Cebu ha? iapil lang sa na sa imong inventory
moonmagesho: xur
moonmagesho is typing a message.
moonmagesho: oi
moonmagesho: exit muna ako
Rang2: okay

I'm gonna leave soon

2009-03-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

It's like a quick jump into reality that sudden blood came to stop my breathing. I can't explain how I feel right now. I just talked to my parents about my decision of going to Cebu after April and now, it was like ...
.."Nganu magpa May pa man ka? Unsa may dugayon nimo dnhi?" ...

So? I'll be leaving Gensan by the 1st week of April. I couldn't be at any highschool party nor celebrating my birthday with my friends. Now, I've been thinking of that guy that keeps me waiting all these time. There's this big part of my heart that looks after him and that I could no longer see him.

I should take responsiblities by now and I know, it's the right thing to do. To go away and start a life that I could hang up to. I have decided to go far away from all of these setup that I'm into.

My life will now go upside down, hope I could manage it well..I feel so locked upside.

The Reality Awaits

2009-03-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

Nakapag-usap kami ng Nanay ng taong minahal ko ng sobra before, and now.. we're just two very diffirent people that something never happened in the past between us.
Our love story was all I ever wanted and wished for to have a happy ending but life isn't that simple and it ended up hanging on a thread.

Emilia Luz Veruasa: HI RANG MUSTA NA?
Emilia Luz Veruasa: graduating ka na?
Rang2: OPO TITA
Rang2: graduation ko po this 30
Emilia Luz Veruasa: wow
Emilia Luz Veruasa: congrats
Rang2: thanks po
Emilia Luz Veruasa: ok
Emilia Luz Veruasa: c champ sa 28
Emilia Luz Veruasa: and may work na agad xa
Emilia Luz Veruasa: natanggap xa sa hope
Rang2: waw...mabuti nman po.asan din xa work?
Emilia Luz Veruasa: HOPE XTIAN SKUL
Emilia Luz Veruasa: math teacher
Rang2: hmm..ano tinuturuan nia?
Emilia Luz Veruasa: elementary muna
Rang2: ahmm...kelan po xa start ng work?
Emilia Luz Veruasa: baka sa opening na pina submit na xa ng medical
Rang2: waw...hehe..good for him..teacher na tlga xa
Emilia Luz Veruasa: oo nga, happy kami
Rang2: mabait na po ba xa?hehe
Emilia Luz Veruasa: oo naman
Emilia Luz Veruasa: tanggap xa kahit under board pa
Rang2: oo nga po...hehe..
Emilia Luz Veruasa: good boy na
Rang2: mabuti nman po
Emilia Luz Veruasa: hahaha
Rang2: ako hahanap pa ng work.
Emilia Luz Veruasa: ano handa mo sa graduation?
Rang2: ahaha..hindi ko po alam..titingnan lng kung ano hehehe
Emilia Luz Veruasa: ok rang congrats n lng ha
Emilia Luz Veruasa: babay
Rang2: okay po
Rang2: thank you
Rang2: paki congrats nlng din po ako kay Champ
Emilia Luz Veruasa:
Emilia Luz Veruasa: ok, ill tell him
Rang2: thanks po

I just realize .. my status message was : "it must have been love, BUT IT WAS OVER NOW"
her status message was : "it must have been GOOD, BUT I LOST IT SOMEHOW"

..it was just the next line of the song.. :x

MY LIFE HAS JUST BEGUN

2009-03-21T21:44:00.000-07:00

Am I really in love?Is this really happening to me? I never cared for someone like this before. Someone so strange yet I feel so much peace when I got near him.
My whole life after the break up I had caused me too much pain, and now I'm still in pain..

"Iiwan mo na ako? Wala eh, wala nay mag-alaga sa ako" ...

...pwede dili sya mag-ana? pinapalala nya lang ang sitwasyon ko... This message was still in my inbox, and it's like days ago since it was been there. I always keep our simple SMS conversations, I just read it everytime I feel like missing him so badly.
He just don't know what he's been doing to me lately. He's never been aware of how I see him.

"Babalik naman ako eh, babalikan naman kita.Kawawa ka naman wala nang mag-aalaga sa'yo..Pero for now, I have to go..Just be independent"

..I hate what I'm feeling for him, I think I am so transparent in all aspects. I couldn't even wonder how could I ever say those words to him.

"Being indepedent is a step up for me, wag mo akong kakalimutan ha?"

.....MY GOD..If he only knew...I was waiting for him..that I really love him and that I couldn't even let each moment pass not having a simple glimpse for him....He's been my lullaby to sleep at night, he's been around my head since that moment he let me slept in his shoulders for almost two hours because I did not have a healthy sleep that night before in hotel.

sabi nga ni Pia : "Nadala ka lang sa ganda ng katawan nya, Mhuy"
sabi ni Dwin : "Namamanyak ka lang sa kanya..Hahaha"
sabi ni John: "Pervert ka talaga, Pervs!"
sabi ni Ayen: "Hahaha..but-an xa gwaps"

...oh yeah! hindi nga naman talaga sya pogi and yes..super ganda ng katawan nia..pero I think I really love him...I love staring at him for so long, at most times, I always got caught up.

I love the brighter side of it..nasakpan ko nia kay gusto sad ko nia tan-awon..)

Every passing moment that I came to see him, I just loose my nerves and I couldn't speak well. He's been looking at my eyes every time we talk and it gives me butterflies in the stomach. My feelings for him grow everytime I see him or everytime I'm away from him. I have no choice but to fall in love with him.He's been always in my mind and it kills me a lot.

The reality grows fast, and soon enough I will be making my own move and it's too bad to think that it's away from him. And maybe later on he'll find someone who could love him and give what he deserves and I think that's the greatest heartache I could ever receive at the moment I'll go back in Gensan.

I just still cling on that moment that I could have him on my graduation party and lastly on my birthday party. Then, it's the end and I could no longer see him for so long. He'll always be my pet. He will stay special for me and for that half a sem, he's been giving me priceless bliss even it takes a look for him fifty meters away. In the middle of the crowd I look for him and I still think of him every moment of the day.

"Wala jud magtuo sa ako ba"
"Mahadlok man gud sila sa imo.Hahaha"

..just a simple conversation between us on that outreach program just yesterday. We talk on reading each others' lips because we're almost five meters away from each other.

Lumapit sya saken at sabay sabi "May tubig ka yaya? Uhaw na ako masyado ba"
sabi ko "Wala bya pet, uminom lang kami ng softdrinks sa me tindahan kanina ni Tintin"

...Oh God! If alam ko lang, eh di sana nagdala nlng ako ng isang galong tubig!...
kahapon, umuwi kami ng hindi ako naga Babay sa kanya..haiz..nagmamadali naman kasi si Pia sa pagtawag nung tricycle eh. Ang sakit sakit naman neto..hindi ko alam san ako lulugar.

Whatever I do, i just think of him and all the way I do I wish I could see him. He's been so special to me and I think that's all I've been going up to.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2009-03-03T04:50:00.000-08:00

You Are Seductive and Ruthless

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.

You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience.

You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along.

But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

On a Valentines Day..

2009-02-14T22:39:00.000-08:00

On a Valentines Day..

It was so long ago that my first valentines day was exactly my 1^st monthsary with my ex-boyfriend..(Oh GOSH!) …pero I think it was so loooonnnngg ago na to haunt my memories.

LATELY…

I mean..LAST NIGHT!!

That was so awesome.. I had the people that makes my life complete.I enjoyed the night. I never expected to be as happy as that. The crowd is so cool. It was the most cool house party ever! I’m with my friends…AND IT ROCKS!

January the 1st

2009-01-01T06:35:00.000-08:00

Another year has passed and I’m still here. I have to say goodbye in all the tears I’ve been going through. I can be what I wanted to be. I will make my own path and even alone, I have to fight for what is right. For I know, time will be the best healer. I started to make my life as colorful as it is. I started it with my nails. I could get a long the sadness while staring as what I call the “kikay nails”.

Sigh..I just love what’s happening.
Hope I could get along.

AFTER 486 DAYS

2008-12-22T21:45:00.000-08:00

Finally, I came to the point of realizing my worth. A big slap to my face was last night. I was not supposed to be hurt. Happiness and hurt are at the same place and at the same time. I swear to myself that I should be over all the circumstances I’ve been going through. Something has to put to end, even though beginning of this ending crashes me. I am not worth the pain and I will leave all along in spite all the investments I made. I just want to keep myself strong against these waves. I feel like drowning and I could no longer see the shores. I want to right back what is wrong.

(~the color of your shirt last night~)

I Want My Loveletters Back

2008-12-18T06:11:00.000-08:00

I gave it to you for some reasons that you asked for it. I kept it all the way that reminds me of a heartache I just don’t know how to mend. I never asked for another someone to kiss me goodnight. To ask for a chocolate ice cream every time a tooth left his mouth. I love preparing lunch with you and make me ask more from you. I gave you all the best that I could give in all the way I do. My heart never stops loving you even though I could no longer see you. Apart from you hurt me a lot but still I told myself to hate you after all the pain I got. I want back the love letters you gave. For I know, as where I go, I’ll be bringing all of it in my back. I hope I could let you read this but for now, I just feel you’re in another world which is very far from mine. And I could no longer ask another answer from you and it hurts me a lot.

How Is it Like?

2008-12-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

(~questionnaire~)

how is it like talking to someone just when you feel like talking?
how is it like fighting fearlessly when it seems that the world's against them?
how is it like laughing your heart out when nonsense humour's in the air?
how is it like crying together when seeing sad movies?
how is it like singing with them 'till you lose your breath eventhough you sound out out of tune?
how is it like, listening to their crazy stories though you're teacher's is in the middle of his lecture???
how is it like to someone at your back though you can't see anyone in front of you??
how is like having FRIENDS??

(~answers~)

First times never come so easy
Resent the fact that I lie honestly
In doubts beneath the bliss came crashing too
Entice thy hearts packed us though
Neither on tears that was shed nor
Dandy Feelings that leaved
Stirred lunatic creeps haunts me so
Hover me up just like a snow
Itinerary never comes with a plan
Pick me up at six never gone sad
or should I say it so? ~Friendship~

When There Was Me and You

2008-11-29T02:54:00.000-08:00

I thought you were my fairytale

A dream when I'm not sleeping

A wish upon a star

That's coming true

But everybody else could tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody

That I heard you singing

And when you smiled

You made me feel

Like I could sing along

But then you went and changed the words

Now my heart is empty

I'm only left with used-to-be's

And once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale

And dreams were meant for sleeping

And wishes on a star

Just don't come true

Cause now even I can tell

That I confused my feelings with the truth

Cause I liked the view

When there was me and you

Chances of catching a lightning..

2008-11-27T05:42:00.000-08:00

You are just too much to be true,

and yet I can see my life crashing through.

I was into deep that came suddenly to my mind about everything I’ve learned when I was with you. Two years still ain’t enough to face what I’ve been moving up to. I think it’s only the matter of making up my mind. I could hardly explain what I’ve done. I was never enough yet something left for me undone. Beneath my imperfections in life, I was just trying to be so cool. It came all the while. Hurtle pour likes rain and I was drowning for it now. I was too much of everything and I know it was all I’ve been living for.

KIPLING

2008-11-24T08:56:00.000-08:00

I just want to stare at you, you know that. I really love the way we look on each others eyes’. It’s so sweet. I am three days away from you. I’ve been missing you a lot. Though I know I’ll leave you soon, you just left me undone. Realize my worth coz’ I can’t take it anymore. I could no longer deny to myself that I’ve been looking for you time after time. I can’t help to smile when I look at you. My blood is rushing towards my brain that makes my heart beats faster. Oh see?? It’s a wonderful bliss that you came into my life with a surprise. I was amazed by that smile. I love to hold you near..those fingertips that caressed me as I go to sleep..ohhhh so sweet. I’ve been exclusively dreaming you night after night. I wanna go near you..wanna see you smile like you’ve been doing before. And now I wanna write you a poem so here it goes:

I love the way we look on each other’s eyes
Feel damn so right tonight
Odd bliss that excites my day
Never regrets why I’ve felt this way
Loneliness that traps me kept me undone
You know it’s you I’ve been looking for all the while
Yes, oh it’s so you
Only for me to find things that crashes me too
Untold stories might help though
Entraps my ideas that belongs to you
Vanished tears may come and go
Even though I missed you, don’t wanna let go
Risk my thoughts that look at you
Kept me all the while hurts me too
Nearly dark brings me to you
Easily dropped down for me is true
Waiting here, standing still insane
Meanwhile I love to write your name
Just as what I just did now and all the pain
But can’t help to play with initials oh so vain!

WEB 2.0 : (Changing Trends)

2008-11-17T05:52:00.000-08:00

Led to the development and evolution of web culture communities, the Web 2.0 indeed became a major key where business embraces the strengths of the web and uses is as a platform.

There are 3 parts of the Web 2.0

1. RIA - Rich Internet Application
Relates the buzzwords “Flash” and “Ajax” on which defines how we bring the experience from the desktop to the browser whether it is in a Graphical User Interface (GUI) point of view or a usability point of view (drag and drop)

2. SOA - Service-Oriented Architecture
Includes the Feeds, RSS, Web Services, Mash-ups
This examines how web 2.0 applications expose its functionalities so that other applications can leverage and integrate the functionalities

3. Social Web
States that web 2.0 applications tend to interact more on the end-user. To be a participant whether it's on:
- tagging
- contributing to the wiki
- doing blogging

In talking about the Web 2.0..
There are 3 things you should be looking for in the technology

1. Ajax Support

- set of key technology able to create a rich user experience
(web browsers)

2. Web Services

3. To have a a language that it iterative
- you can easily add features
- deploying new features

Since deploying all features of the world wide web is at haze. There are some little details that made of everything that comes really big. Web 2.0 that serves as the standards on how media can come into every pc that connects to the internet and how cyber space had become the place for each and every enthusiast blogger fits its idea on the web. Business firms can find it easily sell their products over the web. The use of the softwares and the availability of the entire internet access could offer. The distance is no longer a problem, though solved, doesn’t mean perfectly done. Though it could me a lot, the web space can be the turning point on how certainties on this world can run to.

I Am A Gangster Chic

2008-11-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

I love the kicks

Among the forty-fives and the sides
Meanwhile developing the punches

Art thou the knives and the sticks

Give me love, I ask back
Assist my emotion I could look wrack
Never reverse what I told
God gave me this among old
Severe damages might come
‘Twas everything yet to be done
Endowed emotion has yet to come
Rein my fear and clipped me undone

Coz’ helps me out to be strong
Have me all the way and I’ll do it alone
Intuitive rights deserves me
Caressed fingertips in all you do

CAUGHT BETWEEN MY PRIDE & MY PROMISE

2008-11-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

I never asked for another someone in my life after the break up I had. So it was the nightmare I thought would never come to an end. My life went upside down in all aspects; I thought I was to die without him in my life. Those sleepless nights that I thought was only to movies went into reality as it goes crashing like rain. Teardrops never stop yet stupid things come into my mind. Honestly, I’m such a GOOD GIRL,(well, in fact as I define is; a BAD GIRL that doesn’t get caught) I’m a liar and I slit my wrist just to feel the physical pain and try to ignore the emotional pain. I never asked for anything and I made myself so busy that no one could see me in vain.
I think I was into extremes in my life. I know I’m

NOT A PERFECT GIRL

and after that relationship I had, I never thought of committing again. A fear that bothers me as time goes by. I feel so sad about what went wrong;

he was everything I ever wanted.
He write songs for me and burn it in a cd. We had a diary that alternately filled, a scrapbook of every artwork we had, a gym that we could practice our taekwondo skills and a music room where we sang songs that MADE US WHOLE. Though time heals me and people let me realize my worth, the only world I built with someone went crashing through my veins that I could no longer breathe without him.

Software Freedom Day '08 in GenSan

2008-09-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

Indeed; A Successful Event

Simultaneously celebrated almost over the world, Software Freedom Day was the key of having all of the schools in GenSan, Philippines cooperated as a team to have the event indeed a successful one. The minds of the young ones open up for an Open-Sourced Software. As early as pre-school, they are using the Linux as a learning tool for the development of the child as well as to be honest in using the softwares that are genuine. As licenses are concerns, almost all people of this country use systems that are not of 100% genuine. With the help of FOSS, more minds are open and the campaign for "go open" was widely accepted all over the world.

It’s very amazing that almost all of the people inside the auditorium are very much interested of the softwares that are open-sourced and using free softwares. The event added much excitement when the knowledge about FOSS was tested during the FOSS Race. An amazing race a-like game that needed team building of which members of each group came from different schools and only in that moment they started to think as a team, as one mind and as a cooperative team that made the event a successful one.